It has been far too long since my last post. Events taking place have left me feeling empty and lost. Sounds very dramatic I know, but it isn't really as bad as all that. Transitioning. That's what I have been doing and I'm not convinced that I am the most spectacular "transitioner". It is taking me a while to get used to my new skin: skin that is saggy and baggy right now as it needs to be filled with the new me. Sort of like this sharpei puppy that needs to grow into its wrinkly skin.
Last night over wine and tapas, my daughter and I were talking about where we see ourselves right now. Both of us had this image of a hallway. She looks at hers as long and dark with light at the end that she is working towards. Mine oddly enough, was horizontal. Closed doors were behind me, more closed doors were in front of me and in the darkness of the hallway I feel panic as I work my way to find the doorknob I am supposed to turn next.
Currently, the best I can do is be patient and open to what I need to do next. That isn't easy and can be draining emotionally but I have over the years learned how to stay upbeat when things just aren't going well. So I have that going for me. Putting aside this blog and not writing wasn't the best thing as I realize while I write this how much I missed it and the connections I have made by writing it. So, slowly, I will get back into making this part of my world again.
Who knows. Maybe this is one of the knobs I am supposed to turn.